When You Want To Scream: How To Recover From Your Spouse’s Betrayal

Today is a day that might not have been if it weren’t for an honest conversation several years ago.

Your righteousness, O God, reaches to the highest heavens.
You have done such wonderful things.
Who can compare with you, O God?
You have allowed me to suffer much hardship,
but you will restore me to life again
and lift me up from the depths of the earth.
You will restore me to even greater honor
and comfort me once again. Psalm 71:19–21

Betrayal, in any form deeply wounds your heart, spirit, and soul.

But betrayal from your spouse, cuts into bone, crushes your spirit and rips a ginormous hole in your heart.

You don’t want to believe the words.
Ignoring the signs, you excuse behavior you know in your gut is abnormal.

If you can relate, I’m sorry.

No one deserves betrayal; yet everyone faces it during a lifetime.

Betrayal comes in many forms.

• A libelous accusation from someone you know
• A friend who ghosts you because you dared to confront their behavior
• An adult child who disowns you
• Your spouse’s adultery
• Habitual lying
• Pornography, drug, or alcohol addiction
• Secret bank accounts or financial dishonesty
• You aren’t chosen
• God doesn’t meet your expectations
• Your spouse’s hobby or job becomes their spouse

Each spouse’s betrayal destroys trust. Relationships sever; some never recover.

I know. My husband betrayed me. He was secretly addicted to pornography, which devastated our relationship. And I’ve been the betrayer through depression and food addiction, which also tested our commitment.

But, there is hope.

When my husband took immediate action to make himself accountable to a few trusted men, I knew he was serious about overcoming his pornography addiction. He asked if I agreed with his choices because if I didn’t, he would find others. His attitude and understanding of the shattered pieces of our marriage glued a couple of those shards together.

I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

We both caused tremendous pain in our relationship.

My selfish desire to do what I wanted and his selfish choice to go down a dark path led to near-destruction and devastation. I’m not talking tiny scratches. I’m talking about deep wounds.

Which is why today is a momentous day. Today is our wedding anniversary.

And we celebrate it nearing four decades as husband and wife. Yes. We’ve been working at this thing called marriage since the year Michael Jackson’s Thriller album was released, and a gallon of gas cost 91 cents. It’s been a bit.

In a recent conversation, we candidly discuss the impact of a spouse’s betrayal and why we celebrate the restoration and rebirth of our marriage. [11:52 minutes]

So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death. Romans 8:1–2

If you feel betrayed, or suspect something isn’t quite right in your relationship — your gut knows something you don’t want to admit — click here to get the free ebook, 10 Warning Signs Your Gut Already Knows.

Your spouse’s betrayal doesn’t have to destroy your marriage.

It may feel like a shattered dish on the kitchen floor — sharp edges scattered everywhere. But we are an example of how you can put those pieces back together and see the added strength of the glue used in the healing process. Our dish is better, stronger, and more fun to use than before it shattered. I never thought it was possible. But it is God’s honest truth. Your marriage can mend, and so will your heart.

Photo by Gus Moretta on Unsplash

For those of you hurt in your marriage, we’re sorry. It stinks. No one, certainly not us, will gloss over that fact. But there is a way to overcome. And experience a better life. I’d love to walk with you through your recovery. There is hope.

You can choose denial or choose to overcome.

Either one is a choice. We can help you overcome this through short-term coaching as a couple or as an individual. You choose. You’ll be glad you did.